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Wednesday, 15 February 2012

How Not To Deal With Anxiety

There are many ways to avoid dealing with anxiety, as well as many ways to exacerbate or worsen the condition. I will discuss a few of my favourite ways to deal badly with Anxiousness in general, as well as providing a few pointers on worsening specific conditions.

Good Old Fashioned Avoidance

Now the key thing when avoiding dealing with the problem, or any problem, is "displacement". With displacement we occupy ourselves with a more minor, less pressing, task usually mundane but not exclusively so. To illustrate this point with a real world example; say you need to make a phone call that you don't want to make... instead of making the call, you tidy the house, wash up or polish the cat, things of that ilk. Thus distracting yourself from the problem while not actually solving it in any meaningful way, this shouldn't be done if the problem is related to an untidy house.

Equally good is playing computer games although this technique differs slightly and steers further away from being practically useful; it is called "procrastination". The art of doing nothing productive. This is particularly unhelpful for dealing with stress, especially if the stress is caused by a mounting list of unfinished tasks. Procrastination usually results in more stress, due to failing to have addressed a problem which gets worse over time. Anxiousness can build up during extended periods of procrastination.

Another good example of procrastination would be say an online marketer and web designer that has a load of design work to do for free for a family member on a topic of no interest to them; deciding to write an essay on something of no material or metaphysical value to anyone.

Face It Head On, and then dodge at the last minute

This is a lesser used technique but is truly a great way Not To Deal With Anxiety... It involves giving up, throwing in the old towel and just give yourself over to the misery of your life. Stop hoping for something better, stop dreaming of better times, stop believing that you can overcome your anxiety or panic attacks. Just chew down that dry bitter pill of frustration and tension, swallowing in deep down into your stomach where it can fester and grow over years into a pit of despair.

Worsening Anxiousness

Anyone can avoid their problem, whether it is anxiousness or work related stress, but for some really bad advice on How Not To Deal With Anxiety, you have to give it hands down to actively worsening the problem. This is commonly seen throughout the world, and appears to be a favourite of individuals and governments alike. Whether you are a footballer not shaking someone's hand after a series of costly legal action involving the afore mentioned person with an unshaken hand; or maybe you are a government trying to reduce the deficit by borrowing and printing more money... Either way if it can (not) work for them, then it can (not) work for you.

There are many ways of worsening stress, but quite so effective as the Anxiousness Scheduler. Odd though it sounds, you can now buy a range of Anxiousness Schedulers from a UK based trader. They are designed to amplify and heighten anxiety or panic at random intervals. They guarantee to maintain a basic level on anxiousness at all times with their product.
Using sophisticated modern technology wrapped in a smooth aesthetically and ergonomically pleasing shell, this marvel of modern science epitomises How Not To Deal With Anxiety. It is specifically bad for people with serious problems such as post traumatic stress disorder.

Summary

There are many many ways to avoid, displace, procrastinate, worsen or schedule anxiousness and I wouldn't recommend any of them. But here they are anyway, in no particular order, a few ways Not To Deal With Anxiety:
Buy a dog
Get an anxiety calendar
Move to another country
Pretend that you have tourettes, but that you tourettes is to shout: "I DONT HAVE TOURETTES, LOOSERS"
Take on more jobs
Take sleeping pills in the day
Take angel dust at night
Wrap you head in tinfoil and accuse all your friends of being alien co-conspirators
Live in the sewers
Grate cheese as you walk around your house
Buy 15 cats
Start shoplifting
Adopt a lion and be disappointed when they send you a picture instead of a real lion
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